There is a particular kind of tired that comes from your own mind.
Not physical exhaustion.
Not even emotional overwhelm.
But the fatigue of being talked to harshly, constantly, by a voice that never seems to rest.
If you are a woman physician, you likely know this voice well. It comments on your efficiency. Your parenting. Your tone. Your productivity. Your body. Your limits.
It has opinions about everything.
And most days, it sounds convincing.
What if that voice was not truth.
What if it was just noise.
More specifically, what if it was an internet troll.
The moment this metaphor landed
This coaching concept emerged years ago in a session with one of my beloved clients.
We were on Zoom.
I had asked people to type their thoughts into the chat box, something I often do in group settings.
There is something deeply regulating about seeing other people write “me too.”
It softens the isolation.
It reminds us we are not alone in what we carry.
As the chat filled, I invited everyone to imagine something different.
What if the things we typed into the chat were actually the things we said to ourselves in our own heads.
Not the polished version.
The real one.
You’re not good enough.
You’re a bad mom.
You should have gotten this done sooner.
Why can’t you ever stay on top of things.
You’re failing again.
As soon as those words were spoken out loud, the energy shifted.
Because if anyone else typed that into the chat, you would be horrified.
You would think they were cruel.
Egregiously mean.
The worst internet troll imaginable.
Worse than middle school mean girls.
Worse than anonymous comment sections.
You would never tolerate that kind of language directed at someone you care about.
And yet, many of us tolerate it internally all day long.
Why your brain talks this way
Before we make meaning out of this voice, it matters to normalize it.
Human brains have a negativity bias.
They are wired to scan for threat, error, and danger.
This is not a personal failing.
It is neurobiology.
Your brain’s job is to keep you alive, not peaceful.
For high-achieving women in medicine, this bias often gets amplified. Training environments reward self-critique. Perfection is subtly reinforced. Mistakes feel costly.
Over time, certain thought patterns become well-worn pathways.
Neurons that fire together wire together.
So when the same critical thought shows up again, it is not because you are weak or regressing.
It is because your brain is efficient.
And neurons are not in a hurry.
You were not born talking to yourself this way
This part matters deeply.
You were not born thinking these thoughts.
No baby arrives believing she is behind, inadequate, or failing at baseline.
These messages were learned.
Modeled.
Absorbed.
Reinforced by systems that equate worth with output and composure.
Someone spoke this way around you.
Someone benefited from you believing you needed to do more, be more, try harder.
So when the voice shows up, it is not evidence of who you are.
It is evidence of what you were exposed to.
And that distinction changes everything.
Meeting the troll instead of arguing with it
Here is where most approaches go wrong.
They try to eliminate the thought.
Stop thinking that.
Replace it with something positive.
Reframe it immediately.
That can work occasionally.
But often, it creates another layer of pressure.
Now you are wrong not only for having the thought, but for not fixing it fast enough.
A more sustainable approach is simpler.
Notice the voice.
Name it.
Oh. There you are.
Internet troll.
Not with sarcasm.
Not with shame.
Just recognition.
You are not trying to never have the thought.
You are choosing not to believe it.
Those are very different goals.
The quiet power of not believing everything you think
You can see a thought without merging with it.
You can hear the sentence without assigning it authority.
“You’re failing” can exist in your mind without becoming a verdict.
This is not denial.
It is discernment.
The troll speaks loudly, confidently, repeatedly.
That does not make it accurate.
When you stop treating the voice as truth, something subtle shifts.
There is space.
A pause.
A breath.
And in that pause, you get to choose again.
Why self-compassion here is not indulgence
Many women physicians worry that if they stop believing the critical voice, they will lose their edge.
They fear complacency.
Lower standards.
Letting themselves off the hook.
This fear makes sense.
But it misunderstands how humans actually function.
Chronic self-attack does not produce sustainable excellence.
It produces burnout, constriction, and fear-based overdrive.
Choosing not to believe the troll is not the same as disengaging from growth.
It is choosing clarity over cruelty.
You can still care.
You can still improve.
Without being verbally abused by your own mind.
This is not about silencing the voice forever
For some people, the inner critic quiets over time.
For others, it remains but loses its power.
Both are valid.
Your job is not to eradicate the troll.
Your job is to stop giving it the microphone.
Over and over.
Gently.
Without making yourself wrong for hearing it.
And eventually, something changes.
Not because you forced it.
But because repetition works both ways.
A small, doable shift you can try today
The next time a harsh thought appears, try this.
Do not argue with it.
Do not fix it.
Do not analyze it.
Simply say, internally:
I see you.
I hear you.
I am not believing you right now.
That is all.
No affirmations required.
No positivity demanded.
Just choice.
What relief can look like
Relief does not always feel dramatic.
Sometimes it feels like less tension in your chest.
A softer jaw.
A few more seconds of patience with yourself.
Sometimes it feels like neutrality instead of condemnation.
That is enough.
That is progress.
You are not broken for having an internet troll in your brain.
You are human.
And you get to decide who you listen to.
A grounding reminder
You can see the thought.
You can hear it.
You can acknowledge where it came from.
And still choose not to believe it.
Again.
And again.
Until one day, it matters less.
Not because you forced it away.
But because you trusted yourself more than the troll.
