How to ask for what you want

Women are less likely to ask for what they want in negotiations. 

As a group, we don’t advocate for ourselves as strongly as males due to the way we are socialized and our culture.

 Typically we are more concerned about what others think of us (although we have no actual control of what others think of us).

It’s not that women are poor negotiators.  In fact, we are outstanding negotiators in the right circumstances.   We negotiate very well when we are negotiating on behalf of others.

This is called, “The mama bear effect.”

No joke, this is a real thing.  It plays into our societal norms.  Negotiation researchers have discovered that women will indeed advocate as strongly as men and achieve the same outcomes as men when they are fighting for others.  We find our voice, our passion, our strength. 

This is such a useful illustration of how we are conditioned to care for others more than we care for ourselves. 

Other tips for negotiating for others women have used is asking others for advice.  You can use the tools say of mentioning to a superior at work, “I am interested in advocating for women physicians.  What would be your advice?”  People will search their own brains to come up with knowledge that may be helpful, they may think of assets, resources, allies, methods, that you would not have thought of, but perhaps equally as important is they begin to see themselves as your ally.  They can become more invested in your cause.  Women also are often typically strong in building relationships. 

Know when to be a humble advice seeker and a passionate mama bear, have evidence, build human connection and community.  Persistence.  Clarity.